Helen initially came to see me with a goal to achieve better health. She had suffered from various health issues and so we began exploring potential causes for them. One thing we noticed was that she had considerable EMOTIONAL BARRIERS that were holding her back from achieving the health she wanted. These barriers prevented her from loving her life and fulfilling her potential.
Her main barrier was PERFECTIONISM. Helen believed “If I’m not perfect, I’m not good enough.” Which revealed her real barrier – FEAR of not being good enough.
When we live in fear, we will try to find a strategy to avoid it. Example; I fear flying, so my strategy to avoid it is to stop flying. Helen’s fear was not being good enough, so her strategy was to strive to be perfect, as her parents led her to believe that being perfect meant being good enough.
She explained any time she couldn’t achieve perfection she felt like a failure, like there was something wrong with her. This affected how she viewed others too, that they weren’t good enough if they didn’t meet her perfect standards. Her strive for perfection/fear of not being good enough had affected every part of her life – her ability to sustain relationships, her self worth, confidence, social life, working life, abilities to speak in public etc. With questioning we established she had suffered this fear since the age of 5 – over 45 YEARS!
Like all barriers in life, fear is a MISPERCEPTION of someone or something being more negative than positive, more threatening than supportive, more bad than good to your life. Like everything in life however, there is always a balance of opposites. Positives and negatives, ups and downs, goods and bads. Everyone and everything has them all. Think of something that has no negatives and your answer will be an infatuation. Think of something that has no positives and your answer will be a fear. Perfection is also a misperception – that something or someone is only good and not bad. We are all a balance of both. Perfectionism therefore is a myth. It’s unattainable, and unsurprisingly trying to attain it leads to more destruction than growth in life, just as it did to Helen’s.
So Helen and I embarked on balancing her perceptions – looking at the drawbacks of being perfect, and the benefits of not being good enough. In a mater of hours, all fear was gone. All infatuations with being perfect were gone. This woman had let go of what was holding her back in life, now free of the weight she’d been carrying for more than 45 years and ready to move on.
Her new found confidence enabled her to see other barriers she had and so, with some extra guidance, she began to let go of them too! Her confidence, self worth, belief in herself, happiness, ability to speak in public, energy, health, enjoyment of life and love for it all soared. She no longer felt like a failure and became more accepting of others as well as herself.
A true inspiration on what we can overcome in life, this is how she described it:
“I have had numerous ‘challenges’ in my life, all of which prevented me from moving forward and developing into a wholesome individual.
My challenges included:
‘I can’t help people emotionally
‘Fear of abandonment’
‘What people think of me matters’
‘I’m not good with my words’
‘Fear of being excluded’ which stemmed from my very first day at school.
…and one of the biggest was ‘being average is not good enough’
The majority, if not all of these beliefs/fears stemmed from incidences in my childhood and I have carried them through my life only to deal with them now, in my 50’s.
I have learned, through Ben’s support, that these beliefs/fears do not have to continue to be ‘your way of life’ or ‘this is who I am’ theory, because that is not true and can so easily be remedied with what is such a simple process with such empowering results. Once this technique has been mastered it can be applied to any further fears of beliefs that may appear in your life or you would have the skills to teach others to help themselves
It’s difficult to pick one which has had the most impact on my life as they all have; but ‘being average is not good enough’ has had such a huge impact on every part of my life and how much I felt restricted, stressed, drained and unhappy to do everything to such a high standard which of course didn’t always happen and the consequences of that were negative and destructive to me and everybody around me.
With Ben’s support, he helped me to look at my destructive belief and teach myself new values and principles to live by which made me feel so much happier and at ease with myself; like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders.
If anything is affecting your life and holding you back, take one good look at yourself and ask if you want to continue living like this. If the answer is no, then move forward and help yourself to live a more stress free and happier life without ever having to look back.
A Happier Helen
50+ years ☺”
To live in fear is not to live at all – trust me, I know (Video). The only response to fear is to overcome it. Carrying it, at the very least, stops you from living a life you love and fulfilling your potential.
If you want to know how to overcome your own barriers (fear, anger, resentment, guilt, grief etc), then find the right strategy to do so. If you’d love to explore the strategies I used with Helen, simply GET IN TOUCH to book a private session.
You are designed to live a life you love and fulfil your potential. It’s never too late! Don’t let petty fears get in your way. You’re too important. Overcome them like Helen…