How BEAUTY became the BEAST

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“Beauty – the quality of being pleasing to the senses or to the mind.” (Oxford Dictionary)

Here we will refer to beauty as the “visually” pleasing qualities our society heavily associates that word with, but know beauty comes in many forms (and you have them all). 

 

It is mind blowing how well society has been able to influence whether we feel we are beautiful or not.  Sexy, attractive, adorable, cute or not.  Whether it’s advertising, social media or an influential figure, society has managed to create a “beauty criteria”.  A criteria that is based on how others see us, not on how we see ourselves.  In doing so, our desire to be beautiful has become ugly.

self-consciousHow many people do you know who don’t feel beautiful?  Who are beautiful but they don’t realise it?  Research suggests approximately 34% of men and 80% of women don’t like how they look – that’s nearly all women!  Up to 70% of 11-14 year old girls are dissatisfied with their body with over 50% of teen girls and 30% of teen boys using unhealthy weight control behaviours such as skipping meals, smoking cigarettes, vomiting and taking laxatives.  Research illustrates that dissatisfaction in how we look co-occurs with depression, low self esteem and suicidal thoughts.  It seems being “beautiful” is a human desire and that collectively we are failing miserably in our pursuit of it.  The irony though, is that all humans are born beautiful.…..

Although I’ve seen some pretty “ugly” babies too, the reality is that each of us are born beautiful.  We are designed to develop a sense of having that beauty as we grow up.  Knowing we are beautiful can help raise self-respect and help us acknowledge that we’re as capable as anyone to succeed in life.  Knowing we are beautiful can be key to achieving two basic human needs – a need to feel significant and loved.  When you don’t feel beautiful,  feelings of “insignificance” and being “unworthy” of love can follow.

When you don’t feel beautiful you are going to do everything within your power to try and make yourself feel it; after all, you are designed to feel it.  Imagine not being able to smell…you’d understandably explore every avenue possible to try and smell again.  Unfortunately, when you don’t feel beautiful, people can go to extremes to try to feel it.  We might seek out the fake tan to hide that “disgusting” white skin of ours.  Maybe we’ll keep picking the “wrong partner but the right image” or maybe we’ll look for those slimming pills, or seek a surgeon to “cure” our “hideous” body parts.  Imagine a society that stated “lips are disgusting” and so everyone in that society decided to cut their lips off in fear of not being beautiful.  Would you not think them mad?  Yet this is the type of thing we are seeing today – “I want bigger, better boobs”, “I want bigger lips”, “I want a bigger man-hood”, “I want darker skin”, “I want a tight botty!”  Why?  If you say these things or anything like “I’m not attractive” or “I wish I looked like them”, you need to ask yourself “why?” Why do you believe these things?

self-love

Let me tell you; whoever you are, whatever
form you come in, no matter what anyone has said – you are flipping gorgeous!!!  Now that doesn’t mean everyone will find you attractive and want to be intimate with you – of course they won’t.  But it does mean that your looks, in your own form are beautiful enough.  Who said they weren’t?  The reality is, no matter what you’ve experienced or been told, there is no criteria for beautiful looks, there are just looks – and yours are enough.

Let me give you an example: my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, but if we were to pin her up, would she meet all the criteria you have for what you believe is beautiful? Maybe, maybe not.  What matters is, who cares!?  I don’t, you don’t and most importantly, neither does she.  She knows she is beautiful.  Of course she’ll have moments, as we all do, when her own perception of her beauty is challenged, especially in the world we live in, but she’s learned that no one governs her beauty other than her.  We all have the ability to do the same.  In fact, its our responsibility to do so.

Now if you are overweight (or underweight), have skin problems etc. and your health is not where you want it to be, should you accept “It doesn’t matter because I’m beautiful” and not act on achieving greater health?  Of course not.  You should always look to achieve greater health – what a beautiful way of caring for yourself!  It is equally important though to realise that you are still beautiful regardless.  In fact, knowing this can be a huge driver to lose the weight and achieve greater health, as it helps you gain a greater level of self respect and a desire to look after yourself.

None of this means you cannot enjoy cosmetics or beauty products but it is important to ensure you are not using them to fill the void of not feeling beautiful enough without them.  No beauty product, body enhancement etc. can ever fill that at void.  Only you can, by seeing how beautiful you already are.
The truth is when you buy in to other peoples views of “what is beautiful”, you will never feel beautiful enough.  Although you’ll try, no one can ever validate your beauty more than you.  In making other freepeople’s opinions more important than your own, you become disconnected from being able to see just how beautiful you really are.

 

There has never been anything missing inside of you. You have it all, you just need to look.
With love,

Ben


DO YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL? If not, try this out…..

  • Identify what attribute(s) you feel you lack that would make you beautiful.
  • Write down the negatives of having beauty in that form(s).
  • Identify the attribute(s) you feel you have that are not
    beautiful to you.
  • Write down the benefits of having these attributes in that form(s).
  • Then write down in as many ways as you can how you already are beautiful.  Not just visually, think all of the beautiful qualities you have.  Each one you write down is a step closer to being able to sense and honour your beauty again.  To let go of infatuations towards how beauty “should” be.  In doing so you can be grateful for how beautiful you really are.
  • To identify and overcome your barriers in life, book a private consultation with Ben here.

 

 

 

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